*walks around with laptop and internet connection on head, speaks with an igbo accent* Come read ogbonge blog for here oh! This one na original! This one no be fake at all at all!! If you read am, you go belle full, you no go chop for house again!!! Come read ogbonge blog ohh!!!
So I just watched “The Godfather” for the first time, and I’m not going to brand myself a “Lastma Official”, because I’m sure many people haven’t even heard about the franchise before, and I have read the book. Some people haven’t even seen the Lord of The Rings before, that is just terribly wrong mehn. They need to be baptized in an Ijebu garri river, and then ijebu-garri-boarded. This is why I should be hired in Guantanamo Bay…
Anyway, I really love the Don Corleone character, he’s simply one of the best characters of all time. Marlon Brando, rest his soul, was simply fantastic! In fact, he has inspired me to write this post, for all you Don Corleone wannabees. So soak it in, let it marinate and then maybe you can be a Godfather too….not in my town though.
I didn’t write obvious ones like never fart loudly in public or buy boli or fried fish while people are watching; you can figure those ones out. Here goes:
Have something traumatic happen to you in your childhood: When Vito Andolini was 9 years old, evil (Mojo Jojo) Don Ciccio killed his father for no good reason, and then killed his brother Paulo so he wouldn’t revenge. A truly loving and concerned mother Vito’s mum was, she went on to beg the Don with Vito. This Don didn’t chill oh, he still wanted to kill little Vito. The mumsy now did Nikita tinz with a knife and all in a bid to save Vito. She died, and Vito escaped. Someone helped him migrate to America. And when he came of age, went on to do some hara-kiri style slicing of the stupid Don. If something this traumatic happened to you when you were small, I’m really sorry mehn. But look on the “bright side”; you can totally become a Don. If it didn’t, well you can definitely still try, but no advantage for you, sorry.
Take a logic and philosophy class: I didn’t see too much of the quote “Never make threats, always reason with people” in the movie, but it appeared plenty times in the book. The guy liked to “reason” with people, you know, talk things out. Make people “an offer they can’t refuse”, which is just a euphemism for passive-aggressive behaviour. The best way to be good at this is to take logic and philosophy classes so you can reason like him. For example, if all Ibadan girls like wearing “pata ewekoro”, and Risi is an Ibadan girl, then it follows that she likes wearing the said pata. Risi, you go girl! I’m terribly sorry if your name is Risi and you happen to be reading this, perhaps I have made you famous.
Learn Italian, speak good eloquent English: The first part of this one isn’t entirely necessary, unless you like to be thorough. Chances are you will never get to speak the Italian to people here; they will all just be dumbfounded. But if you can speak Ijebu Yoruba, then you’re in luck! They’re very similar, just infuse some of the Italian accent in it and you can speak Yoruba and still sound a lot like the Don! The Don could also speak good English, so you might want to work on that too. Ibadan people should take special note on this one…oops I did it again.
Talk like there is yam in your mouth: hehehehehehe…that’s how Don Vito talked yo! It was like his upper lip was skewed upward. It was funny, he kinda sounded like The Dream, LooL! You can practice by putting yam in your mouth and then talking. The yam might be hot but just bear the pain, it’s worth the struggle. They laugh at you now but soon people would be putting hot asaro in their mouths too 🙂 Once you’re used to it, then you’re good to go!
Never wear a bulletproof vest, don’t die when you’re shot 5 times in the back: He’s a Don, he didn’t need no vest mehn! He could walk around freely and everything would be aite…well not exactly. Some punks went on to shoot the Don. Poor Don, he was very sharp though. He quickly realised and made a run for his car, probably what saved his life. 5 or 6 shots mehn, I know 50-cent supposedly took a couple of bullets too but come on, the Godfather was like 60something! He did very good, we love you Don Vito.
Do people favours, and never forget for the sake of reciprocity: yep, always help people so they can help you back. That way you build alliances, and you become more powerful. It’s a no-brainer really.
Always wear a suit, and always look good…well most times: He wore really nice suits. Very dapper too. It’s a good way to look exhibit confidence and respect. Always dress good!
If you have more, you’re very free to pitch it in by commenting on the post. The truth is I’ve left The Godfather for you folks so I can be like Tony Stark! What can I say, he has more money and a suit that can fly and shoot stuff. Who can beat that?!